Staring at the Sun, part v : Personal Account Hi Eric,   The eclipse exactly 0d00m semi-square my Mercury right now may indicate some sort of communication so I suppose it’s relevant that I tell you of my experience being partially but permanently blinded by the sun….   I wasn’t into astrology at the time so I unfortunately don’t have exact date for this but I think it was some time in the summer of 2002 -  the year when Pluto went over my 8th house sun for the final two times.   This was a time in my life when I was taking a lot of psychedelics mainly ecstasy, weed, LSA [a relatively weak hallucinogen] and 2CB. My drug use was mainly between 2000 and 2003 peaking in 2002.  I took them for their mind expanding, self exploration, entheogenic properties or maybe it was escapism – I don’t know.  I used to take them alone in my room and although I wouldn’t exactly say that I could handle the drugs well and always direct the trips into a positive direction, I enjoyed taking them and tripping, just learning how weird these things really are. I remember while tripping once and having the usual moments of clarity that I thought ‘I wish I had something to remember this’ (the weird but amazing mind state that seemed to be much forgotten after the drugs wore off).  Well they say that you should be careful what you wish for.   I took some psychedelics one night – maybe ecstasy on its own – maybe combined with another psychedelic, I’m not sure.  Morning came and the sun came up – something which I always enjoy seeing after being awake all night.  I decided to make the most of this by driving 10 minutes to the hills.  This maybe isn’t the best idea while under the influence but I didn’t believe that it was possible to crash a car while tripping.  I arrived in the car park of a place called Teggs Nose in the UK and proceeded to play some music in my car.  At this time in my life, I listened to music convinced that there were hidden messages or that the songs were singing directly to me.  I suppose this was midway through my experiences of what a doctor would call insanity.  Strange times indeed.  Anyway I put on a CD of Robbie Williams because I thought he was a good source of enlightening messages.  One of the songs on the album has a line about the sun.  I remember it was a point in the song where it said something about the sun followed by an instrumental which lasts for about 30 seconds. At that point I looked at the sun and it looked the most beautiful I’d ever seen it.  It wasn’t cloudy which is unusual for where I live and for some reason it wasn’t in any way uncomfortable to stare directly at.  I let myself slouch on my car seat back further and further while staring at the sun. I felt an amazing feeling of energy through my body and I said to the sun ‘I give myself to you’.  I continued to stare at it for about 30 seconds while feeling the amazing feeling in my body.   When I looked away and at other point on the sky I noticed a blackish dot in my vision slightly bigger than the sun had looked.  I thought ‘nooo surely I’ve not just wrecked my eyes!’ but sure enough wherever I looked I saw the same dot. My reality had been altered forever.  Then I looked at the image in front of me and I thought ‘now it looks like this - maybe I can change it’.  I did something and the whole sky turned red – very ominous.  I thought ‘oh shit what the fuck have I done’.  Snip 12 months of craziness which had a very fated feel to it then I tried to get on with a normal life.   I learnt how not to let the fuzziness get in the way.  I can still read and most of the time now I don’t notice it.  However if I think about it then I see it again (like now).  It was black only at first.  Now it looks fuzzy but psychedelic – a sort of constantly moving swirly, colourful bit in the centre of my vision. It’s slightly made up of whatever is around the centre of my vision a bit like someone’s blind spot but because it’s on both my eyes I can’t visually fill in the blanks like a blind-spot.  Feeling my body and being centred helps me to see more fully.  It definitely didn’t make my life easier – it gives my life a sort of permanent psychedelic touch.  It was difficult to deal with but I’m glad it happened because I think it forced me to become more spiritually aware.  It changed my life and gave me the choice to either get more spiritual or to suffer.   I once searched google for a reference to being blinded by the sun.  Apparently only some people are susceptible to it.  Some can look at the sun for extended periods and be fine while other people’s sight can be affected.  I think I also read that it had been used in ceremonies by some tribes.  There’s an article on erowid supposedly debunking the myth that staring at the sun permanently affects eyesight http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/lsd/lsd_myth6.shtml ...however I’ve never met or heard of anyone else who has experienced this.   I wouldn’t encourage or discourage someone from staring directly at the sun but it can permanently affect you. I’ve pretty much accepted it now and I just consider it a part of my spiritual journey – surely it wouldn’t have felt so good if it was doing harm? Thanks for listening.  I’m also glad I’ve got the chance to thank you for Planet Waves. Your writing is truly amazing. Thanks greatly.   Respect and peace,   Lee.