Dear Dan: Hi, it's Eric Francis, your old neighbor from Vashon Island. Remember me from the ferry, and your Skipping Towards Gomorrah signing at Books By The Way? Of course you do. How could you forget? ;-) There are times when I've liked your column, there are times when I've hated your column, but there has never been a time when I wanted to frame your column -- until this week. I happened to pick it up in Now, the big Toronto free weekly, and dug it off the Web a moment ago. Anyway, I'm going to reprint your Pride Week piece in my blog. Please don't crucify me. Yours truly, ERIC FRANCIS P.S., If you're still editor of The Stranger, I'll cut you a great deal on the Planet Waves horoscope and also include a case of some good Bordeaux. P.P.S. If you get to Minglement, please tell Gail I said hi, and Fed Ex some of that goat yogurt to my Paris address. Thanks! ------------ Savage Love by Dan Savage Dear Readers: Just in time for Gay Pride, advice for 15-year-old fags and dykes from grown-up gays and lesbians . . . Three words: High school ends. No matter how much life sucks right now, it will get better. It'll never be all rainbows but someday you'll know, your family will know, your friends will know. The people who really care about you will stay with you, and you won't think twice about putting your name at the end of an e-mail like this. —JAMIE MYSLIK When I was a baby dyke, I would hang around the Gay/Lesbian and Women's Studies section of the local Barnes & Noble. If you're afraid of people staring at you (like I was), you can always just turn around and look at whatever shelf is behind it.  —KARYN Don't be ashamed of being sexually inexperienced. It's way hotter than being prematurely slutty.  —K. Join a local theater group. If you have no thespian tendencies, paint sets or take tickets. The cast party is what matters anyway. Most actors and actresses are at the very least bisexual by closing night of any play. The downside: Actresses cry a lot, which can be exhausting.  —SMALL-TOWN DIVA I wish someone had told me at 15 that I could go for anything in life. In my loneliness I assumed that all kinds of things were off-limits to me: sports, fraternities, genuine friendships, the possibility of raising kids. I shied away from potential friends and mentors and wrote off professions and cities where I thought I wouldn't be wanted. I missed so many opportunities. Don't assume that doors are closed to you just because you're queer. And when you come across the occasional one that really is locked, kick the fucker down. It's your world.  —INTERNALIZED IT If you live in a little town: Get the fuck out. Move to a big city where there're lots of people who are gay. You'll have more dating options, and people will treat you with more respect.  —MARK F. I wish I'd known that I could someday grow up, fall in love, get married (civilly united, whatever!) with my family in attendance, and have kids with the woman of my dreams.  —DYKE IN THE DESERT When I was 15 I regularly got my dick sucked by men in the bathroom of our mall in Christian suburbia. I was like a kid in a candy shop, shocked at my good fortune. I can only imagine today, with the advent of the Internet and even easier anonymous sex, that horny teenage boys have a virtual smorgasbord of sex with strangers awaiting them at any time. But I implore them not to do it. The resulting sexual compulsions, secretiveness, double life, shame, inappropriate sexual boundaries, etc. that were created in my teens haunt me today at 36.  —R.P. I'm a 45-year-old black gay man, and I hope not to come off preachy: Please don't imitate thugs and hardheads. They're not real. (I was lost like that and spent years incarcerated. Talk about some bad-hair days.) Learn to enjoy reading at night, because there will be many nights when you will be alone. Being alone and being lonely are two totally different things. Neither one requires that you go out and have sex with the first man who says, "What up."  —G.R.X. I was a very closeted and very kinky 15-year-old gay boy. I came out at 18, but not as kinky. I wasted years having sex I didn't enjoy because I was afraid of what my friends would think. Three years ago, at age 26, I discovered that one of the hottest guys I knew was just as kinky. If we had been more open we would've started dating—and tying each other up!—a lot sooner. Now everyone knows we're kinky, no one cares, and some of our hottest friends have come over to get tied up and see what the fuss is about.  —OUR SECOND BEDROOM IS A DUNGEON Tell your friends you're gay. I never lost a friend because I was gay, but I did hurt a few of my closest friends by keeping it a secret from them. Not only do you need their support, they need to feel that you trust them.  —BRIAN Stay away from older guys. No matter how lonely you feel, how horny you get, or how hot they make you feel. It's not hot; it's not a compliment. You're not mature and sophisticated. If you're 15 and they're over 20, they are just fucked-up.  —FORMER JAILBAIT Boys: Make friends with gay men of all ages. You can learn a lot from guys who've lived a bit, whether it's about sex, relationships, cooking, motorcycles, or decorating your apartment.  —SEASONED AND GENEROUSLY EXPERIENCED If you're questioning, save yourself some angst and don't rule out "bi" and "none of the above." I drove myself crazy going back and forth between "I can't be gay because I think girls are totally hot" and "But if I'm straight, why do I want to make out with that guy?" —LOVING THE VIEW FROM THE FENCE Stay away from "questioning" guys. Their only question is: How can I get a blowjob without having to reciprocate? These boys show up 15 years later with the same question.  —BI MEANS BYE-BYE Don't date straight girls who claim to be bi! My first two relationships were with straight girls, and I gave them orgasm after orgasm but never once received one in return. By the time I dated another real lesbian, I had serious problems allowing myself to be pleasured. Be warned: That straight girl is never going to want to eat pussy, so don't waste your time.  —SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER Young bi girls: Don't bother with lesbians. Find other bi girls. It is no fun to be accused of screwing some guy because you're 15 minutes late. Find a nice bi girl who can comprehend that just because you are capable of being attracted to either sex doesn't mean you're incapable of monogamy.  —LISA D. Best strategy for a teenage lesbian: Study hard and apply to a good liberal-arts college. Good grades can open doors to a world of smart, fun, open-minded women (action like you can't imagine). Four years at Wellesley were worth the debt.  —SMART, SEXY & SOLVENT If you think a boy might be gay, there is a very good chance that your gaydar has kicked in, and you should consider the possibility of making a move if you're sure the guy isn't going to go apeshit and beat you up. And condoms, condoms, condoms!  —CONTENTEDLY QUEER AT 25 mail@savagelove.net (In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, this material is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes.)